I think a lot about giving.

We all spend every day giving: our time, our patience, our compassion, our trust, our love. The corollary of giving is receiving, and I think it is safe to say that in general, we expect to receive something back from people/entities to whom/which we give. We think of it as a two-part equation: we give (the first part) to receive (the second part.) If we give a politician our vote, we expect in return that he will make decisions that advance our interests. If we give a book our attention, we expect that it will be interesting or enlightening. If we give a restaurant our money, we expect to get good food and service.

And in terms of this kind of transactional giving, I think that's reasonable. But there is another kind of giving where I think stepping away from any expectations of reciprocity makes the giving genuine, makes the giving worthwhile, strikes at the heart of the actual point of giving.

For instance, I have heard some people express disappointment that after giving a homeless person money, they have seen the homeless person buy alcohol. I suppose that in giving the money, they are seeking to receive (purchase?) a sense of having done something worthwhile. This is not necessarily ignoble, but does having given the money endow the giver with the right to judge the recipient? Surely the point is to see a human being in need and to give - putting some kind of conditionality on the giving mars (if it does not completely invalidate) the spirit of giving. A recipient still has perfect autonomy, a perfect right to make whatever choices he or she wants; I don't think the giver has any right to even have expectations or desires for what the recipient will do.

We all have tedious people in our lives. We give them time and attention (and maybe, if we are getting very good at this, even some love) without receiving clever conversation or a sense of time well spent in return. The point here is that they are human beings with internal lives as rich and varied as our own, with their own needs and fears and histories; deciding to be rude or dismissive to them is a way of saying that they matter less than we do - and saying that about anyone diminishes the dismisser. We should give everyone respect and politeness, even if hearing that story about that time when... for the millionth time gives us an urge to rip out the tedious person's throat. Give your attention (and with it your compassion) without expecting anything in return.

And the most potentially painful proposition of all: giving love and trust to friends, to family, to lovers. Doing this and receiving nothing back hurts. This is completely true. But it hurts more if you think that you deserve something back for the sheer fact of having given. Which you don't. If you are going to give, you have to do it with open hands, an open heart, because you love, not because you expect to be loved. Some people won't respond and that is inevitable and, frankly, unimportant. The important thing is whether or not you have a proper understanding of how and why to just give - how and why only the first part of the equation matters.

(Written not so much, Dear Readers, because I think any of you need telling; more for me.)